Reflecting back on February
In February we explored Swaying. The month has been full of hard emotions, holding, and cozy TV.
There was snow, snow, and more snow. Cancelled classes. Weather & admin leave.
Uncertainty over maintenance future, a deepening desire to work in the healing arts. Great uncertainty in my partnership.
My 3rd Reiki session brought a never-before felt physical experience (woah!) and reminded me to trust in myself and clear clutter. I watched Mari Kondo’s “Sparking Joy” and have been enjoying home makeover before/afters, appreciating the energy of spaces.
The Winter Desert Sunrise puzzle in my living room sneakily provided much support; I completed it last night.
I’ve been mixing up food routines all month (and couldn’t have predicted the refreshing winds that has brought), bringing fruit water to work and making vegan corn dogs; hello smoothies in February; we even did Red Curry takeout on a random Friday.
Enjoyed “Ted Lasso” and “The Morning Show” on my 3 free months of AppleTV. Ted is uplifting and funny and kind; The Morning Show is important yet pushes the edge of too much for my sensitive being–I notice the lack of plants in their corporate TV world.
I began a writing project, looking back at all that’s transpired since 2019, to craft a narrative and integrate.
I didn’t send out any letters, but one package to a friend undergoing surgery (KF).
The final week of the month, some coworkers and I experienced something very hard at work. My body is processing trauma from it, and old Loneliness wounds are surfacing. I had to ask for what I needed at work, which felt vulnerable and uncomfortable. This incident sparked me to finally finish the self-paced TRE class though, and I’ve used TRE 3 times on myself this week. Excited to go deeper.
+ The Loam and all its humans
+ Caring healing professionals
+ Money for massage and therapy
+ Money for food
+ My housemate’s energy
+ The trees
+ The care from several work folks after the Incident
+ The self-knowledge I’ve gained over the years
+ Music, Alexa Sunshine Rose, First Aid Kit, Molly’s playlists
+ Ted Lasso and all the humans who brought that story to life
Celebrating / proud of…
+ Giving myself what I need
+ Skipping class the Tuesday we processed the Incident
+ Letting emotion move through me at work, at home
+ Turning to somatic writing, TRE, soul friends
+ Voicing truths/needs to my partner
+ The writing and not writing on New Project
+ Need for in-person community is getting stronger; thinking about where to live when this job ends, or before.
+ Lack of spark at work. Open wonderings: Is it seasonal? Is it the people? Is it signifying the need for a bigger realignment?
+ The resurface of a sad, Deep Loneliness
+ My lack of walks this snowy winter.
+ Deep desire for a safe home. An address that won’t change. Walls I can paint.
Looking Ahead to March
I’m calling in the powers of Self Trust and Gentle Compassion.
May I trust my intuition, and treat myself so gently these days.
May the words I speak to myself carry compassion,
May I encourage and nurture all the versions of me: Young Rebecca, Wisest & Kindest Me, Present-Me.
The hotspot has been increasing my awareness to exciting things: Lyla June, Bioneers, TRE, a woman-run farm in WI, etc. And while the bubbly excitement is a welcome sign, my eyes have strayed too far from my paper. Thus, my intentions this coming month:
- Make space (clear clutter: material, thought, energetic)
- Ground (keep growing this foundation)
- Paint/write/create (be aware of how much I’m consuming)
Reflecting back on January
January was a month of integrating the visit to my family of origin over the holidays, of a new housemate, of snow and snow and more snow, of readjusting to the school rhythms, of committing to two retreats this year, of uncertainty in my primary relationship, and of attention on the Good Worker armor.
+ My new housemate, with whom I feel the most myself in my home, compared to all my housemates prior in current govt shared housing. She is teaching me a lot with her presence.
+ The puzzle that Pete left me with. I’ve been playing with a new lunchtime routine, where I return home to eat and puzzle, and it’s felt good.
+ Bear/strength handmade gift from Adson
+ Em and our connection
+ Loam and Polo friends
+ The sunshine, melting this snow into water
+ New security doors installed at my house
+ Lyla June, who my therapist just introduced me to. I’m grateful for the excitement and resonance I feel when listening to Lyla’s words, and that she’s spoken so much over the years.
+ My teachers this semester at community college. They each have their own way, and are both deeply dedicated to knowledge being passed along and understood by students.
+ The trust and love in my partnership
+ Fresh energy felt this week in new grocery/eating rhythms: watermelon/kiwi water at work on a Wednesday, chocolate smoothie on a Sunday
+ The light blue handkerchief in my right pocket, whose scent fills me with grounding and safety.
+ My safe, cozy home.
+ Work environment where I can explore the Armor and practice new ways of being.
Celebrating / Proud of…
+ Using my voice at 2-day Wilderness Training
+ Noticing the bubbles and ordering Calm CP supplement again
+ Filing my taxes!
+ Rootedness among partnership waves
+ Listening to my intuition re: Molly’s retreats
+ Grounding during the work day
+ How I responded to an email from an old college friend
+ All of the 10% Tuesdays I’ve been writing & sharing in the Loam
+ The noticing I did when I got a new phone at the start of the month, the slowness of my transition from old to new, intentionally installing apps, creating a “neutrally separate” background to remind me of a new energy tool I’m playing with.
+ Third Chakra. I can take up space. I am powerful and strong, like the sun. I honor the light within me.
+ A noticing of the Good Worker shield. How heavy it is. How much shame/judgment I can automatically cast upon myself in work settings. New dimensions of an old story are being illuminated.
+ Calling towards energy healing. I’m reading “Energy Medicine” by Jill Blakeway right now, and while it’s not my #1 on energy healing, it’s illuminating clearly that I want to go deep into this realm, to develop gifts with which I can share and heal.
Looking Ahead to February
Lately I’ve been feeling more of the bubbles, the pressure of taking in so many stimuli at once, analyzing, noticing, tending to myself based on capacity. There isn’t time to process all that’s occurring! It makes me more fearful of leaving the house—like scanning and protecting take so much heavy work and energy. So I’m calling in the power of breath.
With me always, may I turn to her as a trusted resource in any moment.
May I rest in the knowing that there is nothing I must do.
Open, relax, and breath will breathe me, as she always does.
What has proven her dependability more than she?
May this breath remind me of the wisdom in One Thing At a Time and All Timing Right Timing,
and may she bring with her a lightness, a softening,
a deepness of my connection with Earth, with All Life.
So mote it be.
My therapist introduced me to Lyla June this weekend, through her article on reclaiming our Indigenous European roots. She’s a Diné woman who is speaking for the Earth.
I got pulled in deeply when I heard her sing and speak, and want to share her voice here.
Hear her sing:
Hear her speak:
I will be listening to much more of Lyla (she has a podcast!) in days to come, but felt moved to share her voice and messages here—even before I dive deep into her work.