What Do I Have in Common with Melania?

 

Two weeks ago, I read Melania Trump’s self-titled memoir.

I love memoirs, and have much curiosity about people’s inner lives. What are they noticing? What’s their narration about their lives? What’s within their nervous system’s capacity? Which primary lenses do they seem to look through? What feels safe/easy in their body, and what is challenging for this person? What was the culture like where they grew up — both in their town and family of origin? It’s the unseen I’m most eager to learn about folks: their emotions, doubts, stories, beliefs, fears, joys, spiritual connections, and sensations.

From my own experience, I know that how things may appear to onlookers from the outside is not at all what living in my body with my soul feels like to me, on the inside. And, I also know that a memoir is only a sliver of someone’s experience. So much needs to be cut out to craft a narrative within a single book, not to mention all of the felt experiences which can’t be put to words. A book is a static entity, while authors keep experiencing and changing. The whole human-being thing. (I feel much restriction in my body knowing all that isn’t expressed in this very piece of writing! And, an article is not a person. A book is not a person. An interview is not a person. A song is not a person.)

Yet a sliver of someone’s experiences in their own words is wider and closer to truth than an onlooker’s external observations. As such, I was eager to hear about Melania’s life from Melania herself. Read more

Drink the Special Tea

I’m going through everything I own, preparing to fit back into Elereen—my Honda Element—asking if I want to bring each item forward into my next life season. I used to experience this more often, the going through things and packing, about once every six months or year.

Since 2006, this has been my longest amount of time (2.5 years) living in the same place.

“The place” since April 2021 has been shared government housing for seasonal employees, so the house is furnished. After so much time with short-term housing or tent-ing, I reveled in having a house and got items I couldn’t have before: a typewriter, a keyboard, a toaster oven.

Those were the first items in my donate pile as I began going through everything a last week.

The act of going through all my material possessions always illuminates helpful information, like I had that book when I moved into this house, and I still haven’t read it. Donate.

Another phenomenon that comes to light while packing—whether I’ve been living out of two suitcases, a backpack, or an SUV—is that I discover I’ve held on to something consumable, but haven’t used it because it seemed too precious.

I’ve become more aware of this over the years, consciously choosing to light the candles, burn the incense, send the stationary. Take pleasure now. Trust the abundance.

And still I’m finding precious unused things as I pack this time around:

Moroccan loose leaf tea that a friend mailed me in 2020. She said it was one of her favorite teas, very special and rare in her family’s traditions. So I wasn’t going to just drink it. I was going to save it for a ceremony, some special occasion. And here it still is.

Big sheets of handmade paper from Tibet. The manager of a Buddhist retreat center had gifted them to me during my six-month stay there, before moving here. I made a six-envelope folder early on, and use it often since that’s where I keep stamps. Yet as I sit here, three weeks before going back to that same retreat center, I still have a full black sheet, half blue, and a quarter beige of this Special Paper.

It happens, dear one. No sweat.

Now that I’ve noticed, I get to choose what to do with this information.

And so, this morning, I’m brewing pots of that Special Tea I received over three years ago and drinking it with presence, noticing the subtle changes in color and taste.

I’m folding a different type of folder with the Special Paper, because making things with paper lights up my soul.

To you, reading these words wherever you are, I encourage you: Drink the Special Tea, use your Special Paper, read the book or pass it along.

Bask in the joys — because today we are breathing, today we are feeling, today we are.

And isn’t life worth the most delightful celebrations?

2023: March — Breathing Pause

Reflecting Back on March

I finished a long-term remodel work project from the fall. The bathrooms are open!

Watched the McGee interior design show throughout the month, got my hair cut, found myself completely rearranging the furniture in my room one weekend–impromptu. Love it.

An office at work has new floors and we’re in the middle of a deep-clean. I’m looking forward to fresh energy in that space; spring is here.

We had a few more snow removal days sprinkled throughout the month; perhaps the last was this past week? I heard my Backyard Bird’s song a week ago at lunch; what a joyful sound.

I signed up for Starhawk’s Ritual Skills class. I probably wouldn’t have if I’d sat on it any amount of time before registering, but it’s nice to be in her presence again.

My Grandpa was in the hospital the week of his 90th birthday, and now is trying out a nursing home for 20 days of rehab.

I’ve been receiving clarity to transition a relationship and to try staying at my place of work. Learned of Devilin’s latest and struggled to hold my tongue. May all relationships be for the good of all beings; may we learn what we need to learn, and be transformed in necessary ways.

I’ve been feeling inspired by memoirs being released from people I know. There’s fuel for a long, slow-burning fire to write my empath journey.

Sent mail this month. Read some great memoirs; finished one from my “pass along” pile, and am partway into another.

Grateful for…

  • Loam connections and conversations
  • Ted Lasso
  • More sunlight
  • Starting at Walnut during school
  • Caroline’s presence and teaching
  • Snail mail from zine reader
  • My housemate
  • Friends at work
  • Good books to read
  • My teachers at school; their skills and abilities to teach
  • Pens and paper; writing

Celebrating…

  • Making it through the Sharp Loneliness
  • The two days I left class early when I didn’t have capacity
  • Asked Heather to pick up chocolate chips from TJ
  • The times I practice TRE and the moments I ground
  • The Tuesday morning when two bold energies were low, yet mine stayed strong.
  • Shared my zines in a café downtown, and with a vegan restaurant I admire
  • Started browsing around for places to print my zines; sent one request for a quote and received a no. (Yay, first no!)
  • All the days I have been able to, and haven’t been able to, write in my New Project
  • Wrote a spoken poem “A Letter a Week” to process
  • All the clearing out: finally going through Pile of Pens, plastic bags under the sink are gone
  • Second month without any stops at Goodwill

Noticing…

How I feel at work; anxieties about Future Leader and Work Truck.

How strongly Anita’s “Dying to Be Me” Near Death Experience is staying with me, and how all we’re meant to do is be ourselves and shine that light/love.

Looking Ahead to April’s New Moon

Calling in

I call in the powers of

Being With, such that I may have the strength to be with whatever feelings arise during the transitions to come,

We Love Rebecca, such that my thoughts, body, and spirit can bathe in the magnificent light of self-Love, and

Accept This Moment’s Capacity Without Arrows, such that I can learn to accept capacities as they arise, without second arrows of guilt, shame, story, etc.

Naming intentions

I intend to befriend and love the G.W. amor/fear when I notice it.

I intend to do what feels right in the moment, and to joyfully be myself.

I intend to trust my intuition, Timing, the power of grounding, and the Great Spirit.